monday

don't you hate it when other people point things out in your life that you yourself are unsure of? they may not mean to in a negative way but it happens. for a person like me that just leads to those little unsurities eating me up. for instance, I have a job for the next three months taking over for someone who's temporarily on leave. What happens after that? I have no idea really. I'll have to find other work. as for my degree i still don't know what to do with it exactly. its made me realize a lot of the bs they told me in high school a little too late I guess.
then there's the fact that i'm not real outgoing. most of the time i'm fine with this. i accept it. but lord sometimes i just wish i could be more out there and i mostly wish this for the sake of others. i hate ruining other people's good times. get me in a crowd of people i don't really know and that's exactly what happens to the person i came with. at least that's what i think.
i hate losing faith in myself. i hate feeling that i'm not really good at anything...that maybe the best i can really do is cook in some old folk's home...because deep down i know that isn't true.
i just feel so incredibly crappy right now and i can't even articulate some of the reasons why.