Humming

You must watch this video...wow.

Humming by Portishead

Closer,
No hesitation,
Give me,
All that you have.

And it's been so long,
That I can't explain
And it's been so long,
Right now,so wrong.

Naked,
My thoughts are creeping,
Too late,
The show has begun.

'Cause it's been so long,
That I can't confess,
And it's been so long,
Right now so wrong.

Is it all as it seems
So unresolved, so unredeemed,
If I remain, how will I know.

'Cause it's been so long,
That I can't be sure,
And it's been so wrong,
Right now, so wrong

too cute

Last night I dreamt...

monday

don't you hate it when other people point things out in your life that you yourself are unsure of? they may not mean to in a negative way but it happens. for a person like me that just leads to those little unsurities eating me up. for instance, I have a job for the next three months taking over for someone who's temporarily on leave. What happens after that? I have no idea really. I'll have to find other work. as for my degree i still don't know what to do with it exactly. its made me realize a lot of the bs they told me in high school a little too late I guess.
then there's the fact that i'm not real outgoing. most of the time i'm fine with this. i accept it. but lord sometimes i just wish i could be more out there and i mostly wish this for the sake of others. i hate ruining other people's good times. get me in a crowd of people i don't really know and that's exactly what happens to the person i came with. at least that's what i think.
i hate losing faith in myself. i hate feeling that i'm not really good at anything...that maybe the best i can really do is cook in some old folk's home...because deep down i know that isn't true.
i just feel so incredibly crappy right now and i can't even articulate some of the reasons why.

Moved

A lot has been happening this month. It's so busy. Moving. Graduating (okay, technically that happened last month...). Working more. And all in all I'm pretty satisfied.

Of course I could be more satisfied, but who couldn't? I know that there are things in my life I want to change, but there are also some positive new things. The moving, for instance. A place with my guy. We've only waited almost seven years to live together... =)

I think this is the most satisfying thing at the moment. My job isn't. I have a BA and I'm still cooking for a living. Ugh. But I know that this will change. I'm confident that I'll find something better, something that will make better use of my talents.

So now I bide my time. I enjoy what I have and who I have in my life. And that's just fine by me. And while I bide...I write.


P.S. Dan's a Turkey.

Sing Your Life

simple as that...Morrissey amazes me




Sing Your Life

Sing your life
Any fool can think of words that rhyme
Many others do
Why don't you ?
Do you want to ?
Oh...
Sing your life
Walk right up to the microphone
And name
All the things you love
All the things that you loathe

Oh, sing your life
The things that you love
And the things you loathe
Oh, sing your life
Oh, sing your life


La, la-la, la-la, sing your life
La, la-la, la-la, sing your life


Others sang your life
But now is a chance to shine
And have the pleasure of
Saying what you mean
Have the pleasure of
Meaning what you sing
Oh, make no mistake my friend
All of this will end
So sing it now (sing your life)
All the things you love (sing your life)
All the things you loathe
Oh, sing your life
The things that you love
And the things you loathe (sing your life)
Oh, sing oh...
Oh, sing oh...


La, la-la, la-la, sing your life
La, la-la, la-la, sing your life


Don't leave it all unsaid
Somewhere in the wasteland of your head, oh
Head, oh, head, oh, head, oh
And make no mistake, my friend
Your pointless life will end
But before you go
Can you look at the truth ?
You have a lovely singing voice
A lovely singing voice
And all of those
Who sing on-key
They stole the notion
From you and me
So, sing your life (sing your life)
Sing your life (sing your life)

INFP

Hey...so apparently I'm an INFP...which actually kind of fits me pretty well.

I-Introvert
N-Intuition
F-Feeling
P-Perceiving

I've been going to these career counseling things trying to figure out what to do when I graduate and what my options will be for someone with a Bachelor's in English with a minor in writing. I'd really love to just write for a living but I know that takes some time. Books are my passion so anything surrounding them would be nice too. Then there's the teaching option which I keep circling back to. I just really want to be able to do something I love to do and get paid to do it. My job right now is far from ideal but I've stuck with it because of circumstances. I can't do it forever nor would I want to.

Maybe I'll post more about this INFP thing later. The Meyers-Briggs test is definitely an interesting measuring tool and seems to be fairly accurate. Well at least I have this summer to try and get things all straightened out...I'll be taking one class and then I should have my degree after that. I can't wait. It's odd to feel excited and a little scared at the same time but I do...though excitement definitely dominates.

I always wonder why...?

This just breaks my heart...To everyone involved...you're in my thoughts and prayers

Nikki Giovanni

I am now getting into a lot of Nikki Giovanni's poetry. It is beautiful. She's got a way with words..I especially like this poem right now:

The Butterfly

those things
which you so laughingly call
hands are in fact two
brown butterflies fluttering
across the pleasure
they give
my body



This poem is short but she does an excellent job of comparing a person's touch with butterflies. I just love it. This is something I would like to do better in my own poetry!

This is Just to Say

This is Just to Say...

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold.

--William Carlos Williams

SPIDERMAN

Maybe Dats Your Pwoblem Too
by Jim Hall

All my pwoblems who knows,
maybe evwybody's pwoblems is due to da fact,
due to da awful twuth dat I am
SPIDERMAN

I know, I know.
All da dumb jokes:
No flies on you, ha ha,
and da ones about what do I do wit all doze extwa legs in bed.

Well, dat's funny yeah. But you twy being
SPIDERMAN for a month or two.
Go ahead.

You get doze cwazy calls fwom da Gubbener
askin you to twap some booglar
who's only twying to wip off color TV sets.

Now, what do I cawre about TV sets?
But I pull on da suit, da stinkin suit,
wit da sucker cups on da fingers,
and get my wopes and wittle bundle of equipment
and den I got flying like cwazy
acwoss da town fwom woof top to woof top.

Till der he is.
Some poor dumb color TV slob
and I fall on him and we westle a widdle
until I get him all woped.

So big deal. You tink when you
SPIDERMAN
der's sometin big going to happen to you.

Well, I tell you what.
It don't happen dat way.
Nuttin happens.
Gubbener calls, I go.
Bwing him to powice,
Gubbener calls again,
like dat over and over.

I think I twy sometin diffunt.
I tink I twy sometin excitin like wacing cawrs.
Sometin to make my heart beat at a difwent wate.

But den you just can't quit being sometin like
SPIDERMAN
You SPIDERMAN for life.
Fowever.
I can't even buin my suit.
It won't buin.
It's fwame wesistent.

So maybe dat's youwr pwoblem too, who knows.

Maybe dat's da whole pwoblem wif evwytin.
Nobody can buin der suits, dey all fwame wesisten.
Who knows?

Give us a Kiss

Awww....kinda scary when you think that his paw is just about as big as her head if not bigger...but so sweet!



Happy Six Years to Dan and me!!