cars...

so, from the wreck...this is what happened to my beloved Jaws....





i Loved that car....and now that i think of it it felt more and more like a part of me. it's stupid how attached we humans become to objects like that...but i was very attached. i love how it looked. i love how it drove. i loved the interior space. i didn't love the cd player that would sometimes eat my cds or how the breaks have squealed ever since they were put on a lil while back or even how the trunk would sporadically pop open, not to mention the finicky car alarm. but i loved that car. and now its totalled cuz of some jeep!

so, car shopping today. got one. don't love it. shouldn't you feel excited about a new car? well...a used-new car anyway? I don't. in fact, this whole day has me feeling emotionally raw. it's just a car, for pete's sake!! and the new one is nice...has a nice outside, a decent inside, and appears to run well. but i'm not stoked. in fact, as we were purchasing i was trying to think of when i could trade it in for something else. bad i know. but what am i to do? it was buy a car today or keep paying for a rental which no one can afford. and now even dan's getting out of sorts. i don't need this. i feel like just staying home now and doing nothing but sleep. i don't know what my deal is but i don't need anyone else making things harder for me. i keep thinking i should be happy...its newer than the corolla...has lower miles and better gas mileage...but i'm still in stupid-human-loses-her-car mourning. I don't think i'm ready for a whole other commitment to a car...i drive it and it doesn't feel like home and i wonder if it would protect me like the corolla did. silly silly silly, but i don't care. call me overly emotional, i know that i am. call me stupid for not appreciating a nice car, trust me i want to appreciate it more. but right now, i just want...

Random Youtube finds

Couple of random things on youtube

An odd johnny depp song...



monkey taunts two tigers...classic fun! It's good for a laugh

Just nifty

OKGo
The treadmill dance...it's great...makes me wish I had eight treadmills to set up and play around on!

Just one day

Ho hum

Thanksgiving's over now...turkey's are much safer...maybe. Next up, Christmas. With only a month to shop for it I'm thinking of what to get people. Nothing spendy, that's for sure. Not that I wouldn't like to buy everyone a spendy gift, but having little money really impacts that decision! So, I'm brainstorming now...have a few ideas...need a few more.

Oooh ohh...Pirates! The fifth...can't wait. Sorry...the commercial was just on.

So...there's a web comic that a classmate mentioned. I checked it out. It's kind of entertaining, actually. Cheshire Crossing

Hmm...what else? well I just found one of my school books from high school, something I passed around to people to write in. It's a blast looking through all that they've written. I miss Yam though, the foreign exchange student from Thailand. She was so sweet. Looking at it kinda makes me miss high school, but then I remember that it was high school and no longer miss it. Oh, and if anyone knows Sophia Perez, let me know...I'm constantly trying to find her again. She was a good friend, you know? But I have found a lot of old friends I had on myspace. It's neat and kinda crazy. Our lives are constantly changing and we aren't the same people we were...and that's not a bad thing.





Well, time to work on my paper. Catch ya later.

--A

the time's upon us

So it's down to the wire
and stresses abound

actually not too bad now, one paper down...maybe a couple to go.


What I'm not enjoying is the cold, crappy weather. Sure it's nice sometimes...when you can sit in a nice warm house, drinking tea, with nothing hanging over your head. You sit there and watch the rain come down and the wind blow through the trees.

But, when you have to go out in it...it isn't nearly as enjoyable. The cold creeps in no matter how much you cover yourself. The rain either hits you or soaks the bottom of your jeans and your jacket. And if its windy it's even worse. It whips right through you. A strong wind? Say goodbye to your umbrella, if you've got one.

It's nothing new though. Portlanders deal with the rain. Coastal folks deal with the rain. It's almost always there, and yet I never failed to get pissed off at it...dread it's coming...and wish it to go away. The same old annoyances and nothing new.

Well at least I got this pretty picture a while ago...

My First Term at PSU...in the Spring

flooding, quake, belief

come dive in puddles with me...and today we could...literally.

so...after flooding and earthquake, however minor, here I am...and I am tired! Busy busy day...but I was at work listening to John Mayer...I find I have to listen to somewhat relaxing music at work as it keeps me a little less stressed while I'm there (cuz my job tends to get me worked up at times). Anyway...I was just listening to his music and started thinking a little about his song 'belief'

here are the lyrics...

"Belief"

Is there anyone who
Ever remembers changing their mind from
The paint on a sign?
Is there anyone who really recalls
Ever breaking rank at all
For something someone yelled real loud one time

Everyone believes
In how they think it ought to be
Everyone believes
And they're not going easily

Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword
Like punching under water
You never can hit who you're trying for

Some need the exhibition
And some have to know they tried
It's the chemical weapon
For the war that's raging on inside

Everyone believes
From emptiness to everything
Everyone believes
And no ones going quietly

We're never gonna win the world
We're never gonna stop the war
We're never gonna beat this
If belief is what we're fighting for

What puts a hundred thousand children in the sand
Belief can
Belief can
What puts the folded flag inside his mother's hand
Belief can
Belief can



here's what I think...

the first verse has some truth to it as usually if your mind is set, then your mind is set. This is unfortunate because an open mind seems better than a closed one. but, case in point, sometimes at PSU there are the people with the signs condemning everyone to hell unless they repent. Now, I am not an avid church-goer, but I do believe in God. I don't think I'm going to hell because a sign says I will, and I don't think that those who choose not to believe in "our God" (whomever 'our' may indicate) are necessarily going to hell either. So there you have it, one sign did not change my beliefs. and that sam sign did not make me stop and consider their argument either. The second part of that verse just makes me think that people generally don't like to be singled out. We go with the flow, follow the crowd. Unless the topic is something we are passionate about, people generally don't stray outside their comfort zone.

The refrain part is true...we all have ideas of the way things ought to be run and if something completely adverse to our idea of things happen, then we don't sit back and watch it happen. Of course, this isn't always true...because when things aren't going my way I have been known to merely grumble about it.

The second verse is very visual. belief's an armor...that works. we use it to defend ourselves to others and to ourselves. we use it to defend other's actions. the problem is that we fight with it...people don't like to accept they are wrong...actually more acurately : people don't like to admit that there isn't necessarily a 'right' and a 'wrong' and sometimes beliefs can hurt people and things you don't expect them to.

The third verse is basically saying that we'll sometimes use our beliefs to prove things to ourselves, not just others. People want to prove their 'right' and that's when trouble can happen.

the chorus has truth...beliefs are just that...beliefs. Everyone believes something different, so no one can 'win'. The whole world will never agree on the same thing....we are too diverse and that's not always a bad thing.

The last part is just sad. how many wars have been fought over different beliefs? isn't it safe to say that all of them have? and it has led to deaths...many many deaths.

I'm not saying that people are wrong to have strong beliefs. And I don't think this song is saying that either. What I think it's saying is that we need to be open to other people's beliefs...we don't have to accept them, and they don't have to accept ours, but people should be open. Look into all the arguments and all the sides. Then make your stance. War is a terrible thing. Our country is at war and I thank all those brave men out there defending us all. I just wish there was a different way...isn't there a different way? why do so many people have to die?

Rain Rain

Just can't get enough of that rain, can we? At least it hasn't been like last year...when no one was prepared for the first rains and all the gutters were clogged with leaves so roads flooded all over the place. Good times....ugh! Come on...we live in Oregon...Portland even...there's always rain! At least that hasn't happened yet this year.
Time to remember how to drive in rain again for most. Bring on the cold, bring on the wind, bring on the colds! It starts getting colder and that's all it takes for me to get a cold...
Then everyone complains about the rain...okay not everyone but most do. Say how much they hate it...and yet they've lived with it for years and years, most. I begin to think a part of us must like it to live with it for so long.

Yes, definitely umbrella season.

Pablo Neruda

Pablo Neruda's poems are so beautiful. He might have been a communist, but he knew how to write a poem! I need to get one of his collections...maybe when I have more money I will.

Sonnet 17

I do not love you as if you were the saltrose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straight forwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I live you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.


His words are simplistic, perhaps because they've been translated from Spanish, but they are beautiful and carry images and emotions that more flowery words couldn't possess. I love his elements of darkness as being connected to his love, though I'm not sure why. I wonder how many people feel that kind of love in their lives.